inconclusive

I've found myself at the bottom of the barrel.       I don't know any way of coping with all the pressure I'm getting from both my parents and J about university. All that I'm worried about right now is graduating. I swear I'm probably failing two classes. I don't really mind staying back - that's really what I wanted. University's too scary and I'm definitely not prepared. Grade 13, please? It's just that I can't bare to hear and see the disappointment from the expectations from everyone.. especially myself. Taking a year off with no work just to see everyone else be busy with their post-secondary life is not such a thrilling idea.       If only I wasn't so selfish and took 4th spare instead of 1st. J influences me too much and he knows it so well that he doesn't even understand what he's done to me.